


Till Death Do Us Part

by Brittany_Hamato



Category: TMNT (2003)
Genre: Blood, F/M, Leo suicide attemp, M/M, Raphael death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 22:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10863456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brittany_Hamato/pseuds/Brittany_Hamato
Summary: Raphael has passed away. Now his brothers and family have to deal with the loss. If only they could talk to Raph about how to get over Raph.Maybe they can.





	Till Death Do Us Part

Everything froze.

 

No one could believe it when Leatherhead stood and wiped a tear from his eye.

 

No one moved.

 

Donnie felt cold as he saw Leatherhead cover the body with a blanket, leaving only the head visible.

 

Suddenly, everything unfroze. April turned to Casey, crying into his chest. Casey couldn’t move. Splinter’s cane creaked as he leaned onto it as if it were the only thing holding him upright. Maggie sniffled, trying to hold back the inevitable tears.

 

Mikey sat down next to the couch where the body lay, he wanted to touch his brother’s hand but knew not to. Donnie choked on his own tears, to wanting to break the kept silence of it all.  Leo groaned and pulled his knees up to his chest. He put his head down and wrapped it in his arms. His body shook as tears wrapped his body.

 

Raphael was dead.

 

Taken down by a bullet to the chest. It took hours for the life to fall from his fighting eyes, but now, the fight was gone. It was over. Raphael is dead.

 

Donnie moved slowly to his big brother’s side. Leo didn’t acknowledge him as the purple banded turtle sat down. Leo’s breath hitched as he tried to breathe through the tears. Donnie put his hand around Leo’s shell. Mikey walked over to them and sat down. He took his brother’s hand and cuddled close to him.

 

Raph and Leo were mates, now Leo was alone. He knew he was with family, and that they all suffered lost. But Leo couldn’t help feeling as if he was completely alone.

 

Donnie watched as Leatherhead pulled the blanket over Raph’s head. Then move to sit in a chair. Next to the couch.

 

Casey suddenly fled the room, slamming the door as he walked out the room. Splinter moved to kiss Maggie, then walked to the dojo. He wiped a tear from his eyes.

 

Maggie took April’s hands and they walked to the kitchen. Leatherhead got up and went to the kitchen with the women.

 

“…hate him,” Leo said under his breath. Donnie and Mikey looked up to him. “No you don’t, you can’t,” Mikey said and Leo looked up. His eyes were swollen and blood shot. “I hate him. He left us.” Leo said, his voice was scratchy. “I miss him.” Leo finished and tears strung his face again.

 

“Same,” Mikey said and started crying again, Donnie couldn’t hold back the tears.

 

……

 

 

Mikey sat in the living room, avoiding the couch that never completely came clean. It was weird having the remote without having to listen to the hot head complain.

 

Mikey flipped through the channels, but nothing was worth watching. The quiet of the lair was eerie.

 

Mikey looked at the clock, about this time Raph would have been weight lifting. Mikey wiped the tear from his eye. Before, he complained about having to listen to his hot-headed brother grunt and yell, but now he missed it.

 

Mikey thought about playing with the gaming system, but the thought of disrupting the silence seemed disrespectful.

 

So he sat on the couch, with the TV on but the volume turned down low. Two days ago his brother would have been walking though the lair, sweat clinging to his emerald skin as he walked to the shower after his workout.

 

Mikey brought his feet up on the couch. He felt guilty for mourning his brother. Raphael wouldn’t have wanted him to be sad, but instead making everyone smile, but Mikey couldn’t help the tears that flowed down his sea green cheeks.

 

 

………

 

Leo sat still, meditating. He was waiting for the bathroom door to slam and for the water in the shower to turn on. It never did.

 

Before, he hated when the door slammed and startled him out of meditation. But now he was waiting for it. He couldn’t focus on meditation, he missed his mate. He missed his brother.

 

He couldn’t hold back the tears as they flowed.

 

He looked at the katana blade across the room, he could end himself. Be with Raphael again. No, he had to stay strong, Raphael would want him to be strong. The leader of the family.

 

He looked at the katana again. It was right there, he knew how to make it quick and painless. Though, Raph suffered for hours. Leo knew he didn’t deserve to go quick and he deserved to feel the pain.

 

He moved and picked up the blade. He didn’t want to leave his family, but he needed to be with his mate again.

 

He pulled his handheld blade out of the butt of the katana. He dropped the sword and looked intently at the knife.

 

He looked at his wrist then back at the blade. He gently pulled the sharp blade across the skin of his wrist. He pulled the blade away and squished his eyes shut.

 

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, he saw the blood on his skin and got lightheaded. “Leonardo?” Splinter called from the other room. Leo quickly wrapped his wrist guard over the wound and made sure no blood was on the floor.

 

He would never do that again, no matter how good it felt. Or at least that is what he told himself as he walked out of the dojo to find his father.

 

 

…………..

 

Donnie sat on his bed as he looked at his hands. He was covered in blood. He has washed all the actual blood off his hands and out of his coat. But the blood is still in his mind, in the creases of his hands and etched into his flesh.

 

Leo gave him shit for not crying, telling him it was okay to be upset. Calling himself upset was an understatement, he just hasn’t cried since last night. When Leatherhead pulled the sheet over Raph’s head that was what sent him over the edge. Since then, he hasn’t cried, though he has grieved nonstop.

 

Donatello busied himself with anything that would hold his attention.  He finished working on the shell raiser. He moved the shell cycle and planned to wash it before he put the tarp over it to protect it, but he couldn’t. He left it parked in the garage and siphoned the oil out of the motor.  He cleaned the lab, it has never looked this good. 

 

Now, he sat, having nothing to do but look at his hands. His nasty, blood etched hands. He felt a tear run down his face, he didn’t want to cry, but he felt as if he had no choice.

 

………

 

Splinter made them. That was the reasoning in all their minds. Splinter told them to leave, to take some time off, to get back into nature.

 

None of them wanted to leave the lair, but no one wanted to stay their either.

 

Splinter told them to remember Raphael as the warrior he was, but in all truth, they remember him as the hot-headed protector he was. Not the warrior he showed the world.

 

They all knew that Mikey had locked the door to Raph’s room. They all knew Donnie had started cleaning to deal with the empty void. They all knew Leo had cut himself almost nightly since the day after Raph died, a week ago.

 

No one said anything.

 

They walked the woods behind the farm house in silence. They built a fire in silence. They even cooked hot dogs in silence.

 

“What they hell is wrong with you three?” They heard a gruff voice behind them as they ate. The three brothers quickly turned to see their lost brother standing behind them with his arms crossed over his chest.

 

“You three are sitting here like lugs. I really thought you would be parting or something.” He said, his voice strong and confident like it was the day before he died.

 

“Raph?!” They trio said at the same time. “Yeah, it’s me. Who were you expecting, the Easter Bunny?” He said and laughed once at his own joke. Leo was the first to move embracing his brother like shouldn’t be able to. Raphael was solid, he felt warm and fleshy and his shell still had cracks and scratches like it did before. The only thing different was his eyes. They are still gold, but now a sharper more intense shade of gold.

 

“Easy, Leo, it’s okay.” Raph held his mate close and smiled as Leo buried his face in Raph’s neck. He started crying when he felt Raph’s pulse.

 

“How?” Was all he said before tears over took him. Raph shrugged. “I don’t know. Yoshi said I needed to take care of something back home, and here I am.” He said and Leo pulled away. “You’ve seen Yoshi?”

 

Raph laughed once, “Yeah, the three of us have this awesome place. It looks like we are living in Japan about twenty years ago. But if you walk far enough west, there is a door. Inside is New York, but without thugs and people, I have to hide from. I took the shell cycle through town hall the other day.” Raph laughed, it was thick and rough. It pulled on the heart strings of the three remaining brothers.

 

“You guys need to chill. I know it has been rough without me. I’ve been watching on and off.”  He said and Leo was instantly ashamed of the marks in his wrists.

 

“You can see us?” Donnie asked and Raph nodded and he and Leo separated, though their hands intertwined keeping them together. Leo was afraid if he let go Raph would disappear.

 

“Yeah, I mean, I ain’t being creepy stocker or nothing, but I look in on Y'all. Someone has to keep you in check.” He said and Mikey came to embrace him. “I missed you, Raphie.” He said and Raph smiled. “I missed you too, Buddy. I missed all of you. It is weird being on my own. I mean, yeah, I have Yoshi and Teng Shen, but I miss having the three of you to patrol with.” He said and it was Donnie’s turn to embrace the loved hot head.

 

“Hope Y'all brought extras. I’m starved.” Raphael joked and they all huddled against their brother in front of the fire. None of them wanted to fall asleep, in fear Raph would be gone when they awoke.

 

However, one by one they lost the battle to exhaustion. In the warm comfort of their brother they slept.

 

“I know you cut yourself,” Raph whispered after Donnie and Mikey had fallen asleep. Leo was ashamed of himself and wished he could take it back, hit undo.

 

“What has been eating at ya, Fearless? There is something else.” Raph said and Leo refused to cry again, he had cried constantly and it was getting him nowhere.

 

“I couldn’t protect you. This goes further than being your leader. As your mate and big brother I failed. And you paid the ultimate price. Now Donnie doesn’t have a big brother and Mikey doesn’t have you to look up to anymore.” Leo said, tears pushing behind his eyes.

 

“Leonardo, you are the best big brother we could have ever asked for. Donnie has always had a big brother and Mikey followed you because he looks up to you.” Raph said and Leo shifted closer into the larger mate’s hold.

 

“You couldn’t have protected me that night. Leo, you tired, and I ran into the line of fire, literally. I made the mistake and I paid for it, but Leo I am happy. I really thought heaven had no place for us, but I made it. And if I made it, the only person I worry about is Casey.” They laughed, careful not to disturb the other two.

 

“Leo, you cannot hurt yourself because of what I did. And you sure as shell can’t kill yourself because I was stupid.” He finished, Leo had tears pooling in his eyes. Raph leaned in and kissed away a stray tear before wiping away the rest with his gentle touch.

 

“I love you, Fearless, and I don’t want to see you with me till you are old and smell like ear wax.” Raph said and Leo laughed through the tears. “But then I’ll be old and you will be young.” Leo argued and Raph shook his head. “No, you will look the way you look when you were in your prime. And I think that is now.” He said and kissed Leo. “You look the same.” He said and Raph shook his head. “I was in my prime when I bit it. But they cleaned me up a little, I wanted to keep my battle scars, but my shoulder doesn’t hurt anymore.” He rolled his, previously torn, shoulder and Leo watched.

 

“You are okay?” He asked and Raph nodded. “You need to not be so hard on yourself. You are a great leader, Leo, and you are a great brother. You need time to deal with what happened, all of you do, but you will get back on your feet. We always do, we are turtles after all. When we get stuck on our shell we kick over and go on.” He said and Leo smiled.

 

“Now, get some sleep,” Raph said and snuggled against Leo.

 

 

…………

 

Donnie awoke, smiling at the dream he had, Raph came back and they were okay again.

 

He rolled over and saw Raph sitting next to the dying fire. He was putting more wood on it and stirring it with a long stick. Donnie stood and walked over to his brother.

 

“Are you really still here?” Donnie asked, wanting desperately to believe what he saw. Raph smiled and looked to the voice. “Yeah, Brainiac, I’m here.” Was all he said before Donnie closed the distance between them and wrapped him in a hug.

 

“What are you doing here?” He asked and Raph was confused, “I told you I…” Donnie cut him off, “No, you left paradise just to show your face to leave again.” Don was furious with the larger turtle.

 

“Donnie, I came back so you all could get closure, you all were tearing yourselves up.” He knew Donnie would snap, he knew before he got here. He was prepared.

 

“People do that, Raph, it is called mourning. People do that to let go of loved ones they lost. It is not helpful if you show up again after.” He was trying to keep his voice down, but he was letting go of bottled up anger he didn’t know he had.

 

“Donatello, you have every right to be mad, about the entire thing. I left, then I came back, and I am going to have to leave again. But know this, you did everything you could to save me and kept me going for hours after I should have been gone. I got do pass in comfort because of you. Thank you.” He said, knowing it was all Donatello needed.

 

Donnie wanted to be mad, to hit him, to cuss him out for leaving them; but all he could do was embrace his brother.

 

Raph held him as he cried.

 

“Why did you have to go? We need you.” Donnie asked through the tears, he was so tired of crying. “It was my time. And you don’t need me, Donnie. You love me, you will miss me, but you don’t have to feel like you need me.” He said and Donnie understood, he would get stronger ( as would his brothers ) and they would be able to coop with time.

 

Having Raph here made it more bearable to coop in the short term.

 

“Raphie?” They heard a voice behind them. Mikey was waking up and Raph wanted desperately to wrap his baby brother in his arms. He knew there would be time for that.

 

“Yeah, Buddy, I’m here. It’s okay.” He said and moved to whisper in Don’s ear. “Wake Leo, me and Mikey are going to get breakfast.” He said and gestured for the prankster to follow him.

 

Mikey was quick to get up and run after his big brother. Mikey was excited to be next to his brother again, but he knew it wouldn’t last.

 

“You got that blade I gave you, right?” Raph asked as Mikey walked beside him, he nodded and pulled the small bone handled blade he got from Raph after he died.

 

“Good, now I show you how to put it to use.” He said and pulled out one of his sia. “They let you keep those in the afterlife?” Mikey asked and Raph laughed, his voice made Mikey smile. “Yeah, I mean, no one took them from me.” He said and Mikey smiled.

 

Raph was listening to the woods as they moved, keeping an ear out for his prey. This is what he missed about being here, the hunt. Through this hunt was literal, he missed going after the Purple Dragons and Shredder. He missed banging the foot around, but none of those feelings hit him since he got back.

 

A noise from the left caught his attention, Mikey heard it too. They ninja-ed to the sound until they saw it. A small, wild pig had made it’s home beside a tree stump.

 

“Here.” Mikey pushed the blade to Raph who looked at Mikey questioningly. “I have time to hunt later, you are leaving soon. And I know the attack is your favorite part.”

 

With that, Raph took the blade and smiled to his brother.

 

He lunged, feeling the adrenaline that he missed so much take control of his body. He had the pig in his arms and had slit it’s throat before it knew it was attacked. The most humane way Raph knew to hunt like this.

 

Mikey cheered when Raph became visible from the red and green blur he had become. Raph was breathing hard and smiled up at Mikey. Raph felt different, heavy, compared to how he felt in the after.

 

Mikey pulled him to his feet and he handed the knife back to his little brother.

 

Together, Mikey and Raph dressed and cut the pig, neither really fearing a larger predator, that would just be more meat on the table.

 

They walked the meat back to camp, after leaving some of the pig there for the animals to eat. (That was their way of giving back to nature)

 

When the got back Donnie and Leo were frying eggs on the fire. “Where did you two get eggs that size?” Raph asked and Donnie nodded. “There was a hawk nest close by, we raided the nest and got six eggs,” Donnie said and Leo smiled. “Don said Hawk tastes better than chicken anyway.” They laughed. “That is a little weird, Donnie, but I’ll take your word for it.”

 

They ate in a comfortable silence, enjoying what time they had with each other. Mikey broke the silence first. “What is it like on the other side? I know you told us about the place, but what does it feel like?”

 

Raph had to think about it. “When I’m up there, it is absolute paradise. There are no people I have to hide from, no thugs occupying my free time, and no stench of the sewer.” He said, but his smile was fading. “Since I’ve been back, there seems pretty dull. No one to talk to but Yoshi, but he has his own afterlife to enjoy. No thugs to hunt, and no game to hunt either. It is actually kinda lonely.” He said and laughed, “but as soon as I get back all that will be gone, it will be paradise again.” He said and Mike smiled, knowing he had a heaven to go to sound great.

 

“I thought heaven was supposed to be whatever made you happiest,” Don said and Raph shrugged. “It is. I don’t have to worry, think, or stop. I don’t get tired and I really don’t eat. The only thing I would change is that I am alone all the time, but like I said, you all are not allowed to join me till you are old and smell like ear wax.” He said and they all had a good laugh.

 

Raph stood and looked to the sun. “As much as I want ta stay and chat, I’ve got to make two more pit stops before I get back to the after.” He said and the brothers embraced Raph, who held them all tightly, never wanting to let go.

 

After minutes of holding each other, they let go. “Hey, no.” He saw the sad faces and didn’t want to start crying. “No, you can’t mourn me anymore. I’m not saying forget me, never do that. But don’t cry anymore. There is no reason too, I know you miss me, I miss you. But there is no reason to be sad, I am happy there, and you all have to be okay here.” He said and the others nodded, knowing he was right.

 

Raph saw a light form behind his brothers. He knew he was the only one that could see it, but it looked so obvious. He wondered if he was the only one after all.

 

He walked to the light and laughed at the cliché. He turned and saw his brothers watching him go, they had smiles on their faces, he knew they would be okay. They got their good bye and they would be okay now.

 

………………….

 

 

“Master…” Raph said as he walked into the dojo with his father. Splinter looked up and tears threatened at his eyes.

 

“My son?” He said and stood, taking in the view of his son alive and well. “Father, it’s me.” He said Splinter was in love with his gruff voice.

 

They embraced each other. Taking in the feeling of each other, knowing the loving action won’t last.

 

When they released the other, Splinter was the first to speak. Inviting his found son to sit with him.

 

Raph sat and got into a meditative pose with his father. “How has afterlife been treating you, my son?” Splinter asked and Raph told him how great it was. Raph told him about the great things and the loneliness of it.” Splinter listened to his son talk, taking in his voice and hanging on every word.

 

When Raphael finished Splinter gave his opinion. “Have you seen Yoshi?” Splinter and Raph nodded, telling him about seeing Yoshi when he first went into the other life.

 

“Can I ask what it was like, the process of it all?” Splinter didn’t want to out and say the dreaded word.

 

“Dying was actually kinda cool.” Raphael began and Splinter smiled at his son’s blunt nature.

 

“I was here, dying. I could feel everything. Leatherhead moving around, the bullet being pulled out, the pain…” He stopped and thought about it. “It was like I was hyper-aware of everything around me, but at the same time I was numb to the bulk of it.” He laughed, “That made no sense at all.” Splinter shrugged, “My son, somethings won’t make since until I experience them for myself, but I want a few more years before that time.” He said and Raph nodded.

 

“After the hyper-awareness, there was this time where everything was quiet. I couldn’t hear anything, and though my eyes were open, I saw nothing. Then I felt really light, not like lightheaded, but just light. Then I sat up and got off the couch, leaving my body behind.” He smiled at his last memory before going into the after.

 

“I saw you all, that moment of complete denial then the moment that it all clicked. I saw Casey leave, they won’t let me go see him. Can you tell him I wanted too? They would only let me see you and the guys.”

 

Splinter nodded at the request, not trusting his voice. He took a deep breath before he continued. “Yes, my son, I can pass your message. Will you be staying long?” Splinter didn’t want his boy to go, but he knew Raphael needed to move on.

 

“No, I think they want me back pretty soon.” Raph didn’t want to leave. “I understand, my son, it was nice to hear your voice once again.” Splinter stood and Raph followed.

 

He saw the light that would take him home, he almost didn’t want to leave. They embraced one more time and Raph wished they could have a day together like he had had with his brothers.

 

Raph walked through the light and felt the warm air of his heaven invite him home.

 

…….

 

Splinter stood there for a moment, watching the place where his son had disappeared.

 

He took a breath, ready to meditate again. He heard something slam in the other room and he walked out of the dojo.

 

“Splinter, you will never guess what we saw!” Mikey exclaimed when the wise rat came into view. “You all had a visit from your brother.” He said and Mikey’s jaw dropped. “How did you know?” Splinter laughed and told them he had seen him too.

 

“Can I say something?” Leo said and they looked to the older turtle. “I hated Raph for leaving. Now, that I’ve seen him and talked to him about how to deal, I don’t hate him anymore.” The others agreed.

 


End file.
